ohiseeiseethat

put ur arms around me
rock me
my body
ur body
it goes deep like cliff diving
nd i love u
nd when we go there
we go there
its kinda rare
it pulls me
to lull thee
and ur eyes close
like ur countin sheep
nd i ward u off from sleep
and u hum and hiss and tell me
that u love me
and u feel me
and u need me
nd im sure i need u
and i kno i do
theres no fronting boo
this is chemistry
complex like trigonometry
circular in mutuality like geometry
i simply love thee
nd all that we will continue 2 b
from now until eternity

undertheinfluenceof<3 pt4

i`m all smiles. :D :D :D
happy happy happy, his heartbeat is my favourite beat.
i rock to the instrumental of those hums and those moans
and those groans you know the ones that really turn me on
i like it he likes that i need a beat to go with this track
i probably can get my wanye on
insane on
like a ringtone i`ll be turned on
or you can silence me in the moment when i get loud
cause i`ll go on and i`ll go on and i`ll go on, and you`ll go on and on like that erykah badu song
wait hold on i heard that before well i think maybe ive seen you before
hm maybe in another life next lifetime somethin right
but you`re somethin nice and me im wifey and im kinda nice
i`m kinda the one thats that kinda type that keeps you up at night and that all your friends like :D

um

LMFAO yeah....

:D man i want a beat to go with that lemme go off the top my head with somethin else

im the one that makes all the wrongs right i`m keeshii not kee-shay
its not what you say what he say what she say its what i say
its my way
we can go my way all night and day
all day and night all through the night i can make you explode like dynomite
nd you can use that wayne lyric bout my piharana bite
but i`m not gettin explicit cause i`m not tht type
of girl
i am the type of girl that gets silly in the moment and can come off in a whirlwind
i can your toes curl but you already been
there
before
and if u wanna go some more we can go some more
we aint gotta front nope, just close the door

okay anyway..

lmfao. im fuckin STARVING, like omfg eaghaoghaoghaoghaogha last thing i ate was... a cookie at... like... ummm, roughly 11ish? or something? lol. DAMNIT TWITTER BE KILLIN ME WITH THESE LATE UPDATES SENT TO MY PHONE lmfao.

um, i`m rambling, [hence this being a drabble] cuz i dunno really what.. to write a note about but i been feelin` like i aint wrote a note in a while cuz i been tweetin my ASSS off -- follow me! [@gimmedunkaroos ] but i can say that....

i love my FB relationship status; lol. <3 <3 <3

soooo! ... okay. i`m planning for my our future. and.. right now, now we`re tryna get jobs. so we can move somewhere together. so we can save up for our kid in ... who should b here by.. summer 2012 lol. ahhh, its fricken refreshing omg. shoo i know what i want nd life is like.. i dont wanna say BORING exactly but i need a motivation to do somethin big nd i`m pretty sure havin a kid is gonna be so worth it when that time comes so i wanna prepare nd be ready cuz im ready lol

i`m [falsetto]ready!![/falsetto]

but real talk, in this little spot in the back of my mind about.. august '07 when i met him, never woulda imagined at the time those little thoughts you get when you want something and your mind goes on these tangents and sets these scenarios placing you somewhere with that person in the future would become a reality... damn i love him, and even then if i wasnt sure we`d be more than just -friends nd after losing his way not once but twice, coming back to me, baby you`re a keeper, you`re so fucking worth it, THE BEST, make it work for US because i DAMN sure got your back 100 % and i`m STANDING ON IT! i`m always here and will always love you. no one can ake that away, whatever i wanna do, you need, we want, we will GET, i will TRY, i will sacrifice, I WILL DO, because that`s what YOU got when YOU decided to give ME a chance and let ME prove myself to YOU, trust me, you`ve made a good choice in me.. <3

and i`m sure i made the right one with you...

NUMB -- intro

numb
introduction.


those who rather not believe they felt
would grow cold when there is no warmth
they will wonder when situations would come hotter
but when they touch it, it won't falter..
it seems as if living with numbness was a sin..
but in the end would rather not believe what they felt...

In all of my twenty four years on this earth, today was the day when I realized, something was seriously wrong with me. My feet were stuck to the ground the moment I heard the thud that broke me from my slumber, after hours of being in a standing six to five job, five hours of sleep was getting it's best of me. Ten PM had hit and it seemed as if the nighttime had adapted to the crevices and corners of my apartment and sheated demons in every darkened one that followed.

With my feet planted firmly to the ground, disorientation settled in with sleep from my crusted eyes as my body lifted from three mattresses and groaned within standing to my full six foot height. I blinked a few times, recognizing my situation had become even more dire to brighten the situation I was in -- breaking glass sounded clearly in the deafened hum that the appliances in my apartment graced the walls with, and I knew then that someone was intruding.

Moments before, sleep had encased my body and although I had always been the child to have troubles disguishing dreams from reality, something was telling me that this was not a dream.

Something was going to happen, and something was going to happen whether I kept standing here, or if I kept moving.

Intuition pushed me towards the door. Common sense made me hold the side of my jogging pants, and cold steel pressed into my hip. My body pushed into the shadows, threatened away the sheated demons, and found myself in the crossroads of life and death ---

"Barry?"

My own name hit the drums of my ears, making my guard push down. I closed my eyes, pushed my shirt down, and relaxed my composure. Standing in the middle of my living room, in the centre of broken glass and demons from the darkness, was my nineteen year old cousin and my six year old neighbor, in the midst of cuts, glass, and what appeared to be dried tears.

However, I stood there, alone, watching. Not moving, not saying a thing. I've seen too much and gone through too many traumatic experiences to even be moved. I had endured so much, it was no shock that I grew numb.

release

theres something inside me i need to release
this feeling about you i need to increase
because inside, its not going to decrease
like a panic button im hittin the release
im feenin quite often when it comes to you
slamming my hand down to get thru to you
its this desire buildin up but i kno the feelin is mutual
nd the sensation that comes along however eventual
you should already know, i`m a habitual individual that crave these feelings that comes along with those touches that are oh so sensual
these glances that expands into somethin so mental
visceral, intensity that makes your hips jerk forward cause my touch is fundimental
to your health to get you off its somewhat instrumental
release monumental
you`re craving for me, cause i`m supplemental to your every move
when i`m like this with these words its only an interlude
cause when i put these hands where i really want them to
and we move, you move, we move, and then we groove
i approve
because each time we`ll simply improve
and each little touch is strategic like a chess move
and i`m a pawn in your hand
and with this plan i`m on a mission
connecting myself to neverland...

im still falln

i fell in love with you again last night
and when it came to the moment when it was fly or die, ride or die, wrong or right
you were reachin` the breaking point and we`d been at it all night
and that shit felt right, it felt madd good
gave me a vibe that i thought you never could
gave me these thoughts, i thought you never would
end up like this, got my legs shaking for you and all i got was a kiss
now you`re parting your lips, baby thats bliss
sweet on your tongue and makes you mend into me a hiss
see its on high, baby i`m high
when i`m around you i`m wondering why i`m not in the sky
you give me these feelings to act on while i`m in this mood
while i`m tryna get you in the nude
alright, i`ll stop being kinda rude, but you`re the kinda dude tht makes me
fall for you, over, over, thru the hoods we go back to the streets and the seat where our bodies go
we rest, i've done it already no need to impress,
sit back and lemme press my hands to your chest,
let me ride it out, lemme catch my breath,
lemme keep falling...

head

got a trick up my sleeve and a thought in my head
fingers directing me in directions that would often seem mislead
and with you, its funny cause we aint gotta even impress
with the way you got me its nothin more done or nothin less
and when it comes to you, i love that i can be a sloth with you
and when you`re up in rome boy you do as the romans do
gravitate to the bottom and ill stay up at the head
enjoy the head; have your body stiff like lead
i know all i wanna do is spread
but instead
i`m tryna get all in your head
and dont let my emotions be mislead
instead understand me or tears i`ll shed
and treat me like a thoroughbred and thrust full steam ahead
dont leave no word unsaid
or no touch embedded into what'll give me dread
cause my emotions will most likely drop dead
like the living dead
but i`ll get into bed, in love heels over head...
<3

undertheinfluenceof<3 pt3

damn its only been since wed nd i miss him already.
he puts a smile on my face by sayin` nearly nothing..
just that cut of view towards my way when he`s about to go
makes me pout; makes my insides flutter without a doubt;
but he purses his lips, pulls me closer and doesn`t stop;
and in this embrace i trace my thoughts back down the scenic route
he`s just something i can`t part with or want to be without...

__________________

i`m anticipating the moment you arrive
when i smile, after a few seconds ill sigh
and inside
it happens every single time
i get those butterflies and your eyes gravitate to mines
this smile spreads slowly like fire like the one in your eyes
those browns light up and spark something natural in mines
nd i`m lovestoned, i think you know
oh yeah, you know...
i think this high you put me on is better when you put me on.
now its only been about an hour or two since we got up off the phone
and its something about you that makes me glad that for when we be alone
and we can go on and on and on about whatever turns us on and on and on and
we can rejoice and use our voices in a tone that speaks magnitudes
like an interlude to what we`re bout to do and
im glad that its you, baby its you, you`re the one and damn, you know what you do...

eep! i love him <3 :D

i just wanna TOUCH YOU, but i`m so....far away. [drabble] / undertheinfluenceof♥ pt2

all i wanna do is, give you all of me now.

im thinkin bout..
two am, when people who run in the streets are laden with sin and
i was here; you were next to me, there
i was pressed into your arms, face nuzzled towards your hair

i can`t recall what we were doin` at three, but does that matter anymore?
probably something stupid, i think you pushed me on the floor...
or tried anyway... anyway, thats somethin i ignore.

now its about, four.
and i`m gettin antsy.
tryna keep my hands to myself, but they`re tryna get nasty.

tryna figure where to go next cause any two people can simply fuck,
not tryna be too explicit, but you know i`m implicit with where my hands go
where my lips go
how i`ll pull you closer to me so you don`t let go
and when you let me know
that its TIME to go
that we should gone and switch positions so we can..

well, YOU KNOW...

so, i get into myself, or rather you get into me
and i`m all into your body like some vitamin c..

i need some place to put my lips, my legs, my eyes, this shirt is kinda stickin` to me, we should.. move, lemme push you back -- hm, we`re gonna fall off the bed...

then somethin happens and i`m aireborne like a virus

fingertips touch
and my back arches
and my head goes down
and i swirl, push back, my words jumble my mind stutters my lips fix into an o shape and i gasp, hold on tight and stutter; my eyes flutter -- and i find you in the dark....

holding on strong like you`re tryna be my rock
and its you im tryna climb while i make it to the top
and i ... realize this moment is once again gettin me hot..

damn..

and your kisses are vicious they`re malicious but i need them to survive cause that feeling is purely nutrious, on monday we part ways, by thursday im feenin, but me and you both know we`re married on the weekends <3>

survey!

Can you take this without deleting any questions?
yep.

What's going on between you and the last person you kissed?
[remix] yup thats my boyfriend [/remix]

Is there someone you have feelings for?
yesss.

What was your worst mistake in your life?
um, ......

What's something you really want right now, be honest?
MCDONALDS AND TROJANS! -dead-

Does anything on your body hurt right now?
um, not really.

What are you listening to right now?
the ghost of you - my chemical romance

Whats a quote from a song that you like?
i never said i`d lie and wait forever / if i knew we`d be together / i can`t always just forget her / but she could tryyyyyyyyy

Have you ever punched a hole in the wall?
actually yeah..

Do you know someone in prison?
mhm.

Who was the last person to sleep in your bed besides you and when?
denzel; last night

Where were you at 2:00 this morning?
*ponders*... um, buried into denny's shoulder watchn -- no, hiding -- from the quarantine shit lol

What is your underwear color?
pink and white.

Anywhere you'd rather be right now?
back at home sleep, or at mcdonalds. i want some mcdonalds, wtf so bad lmfao

Are you going anywhere for the next summer?
the next summer? idk...

Do you have plans today?
um, i`m on a mission for mcdonalds and trojans. LMFAO

Are you waiting for anyone to call right now?
not right now, but later i`m sure.

Will you call them if they don't call?
later yeah.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
aeropostale

Where are your jeans from?
my jeans are frommmmm....fuck, i can`t remember lmfao

When was the last time you were told you were amazing?
day before yesterday actually :D

Do you know anyone that smokes weed?
yep

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a C?
yep

Do your parents force you to go to church or let you make the decision?
church? nope. i went for a baptism though and was waiting for someone to smite me or something...

When it comes to the opposite sex, what's your "type"?
the alive kind? lmfao

How long does it take you to shower n get ready?
the quickest i`ve ever gotten showered and dressed in was like seven minutes. i didn`t say everything was correctly put on, but thats a record right there for you lol

How has the week been?
well its monday... um, sunday was okay i guess..

Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
hm, yeah. but that's life.

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
if someone was woke; which i`m sure someone was yeah-- but idk.

When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
depends. but if they`re a friend, mostly i`d go after them? if they`re worth it.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?
mhm yep.

Do you still talk to the person you last kissed?
yeah i do, i wonder what he's doing...

Does anyone hate you?
i`m pretty sure someone does. oh well. life goes on.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
it depends on what they did the first time to fuck up.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
yep. not recently tho.

Do you dance in the car?
either that, or headbang.

Do you walk around naked?
LMFAO doesn't everyone?

Could you go the rest of your life with-out alcohol?
sure.

Do you like having serious conversations?
depends. i`ll probably cry or get mad depending on the subject.

Are your parents over the age of 40?
nope lol

bored in photoshop result

it turned out to be this

and yes he has no arms cause the pic like cut off his arms sooo.. :(
free wallpaper here

bored in photoshop

kid cudi doodle

i can count to three

two hands one heart one love but three bodies
two in love nd one on the side
one hidden behind two hands covering two eyes
one phrase three words two ppl to say - i love you
two hands covering two eyes on one face shielding you
one hand over one heart becomes two hands that'll protect you
one mind one body one soul one love two people three words one bed that we share
several thoughts and insanity roams thru three minds
beyond two bodies in sync together back to those three words between two people that can b said so many times
one person loves one person whose tryin to juggle two
one can disappear the other is grounded and wont budge like glue
one person holds one down and will give it all up in a heartbeat
one thought one word one sentiment holds true - two ppl in love but whats the third to do?

survey!

1. What was the highlight of your week?
waking up & sleeping next to the novio.

2. Whose car were you in last?
jason`s

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
whenever booski pops back up

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
orange

5. How long is your hair?
shoulder length :D

6. Are you good looking?
of fucking course i am!

7. Last movie you watched?
OH! BOYZ IN DA HOOD.

8. Who were you with?
booski of course.

9. Last thing you ate?
hamburguesa y papa fritas.

10. Last thing you drank?
orange juice

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
ummm.... i don`t know?

12. Who came over last?
booski.

13. Are you happy right now?
yeah, i`m happy :)

14. What did you say last?
'NO, THAT WAS THE WIND' lmfao the fuckin windchime blew off the porch.

15. Where is your phone?
over the F5 F6 F6 F7 F8 keys.

16. What color are your eyes?
brown.

17. Are you left-handed?
nope.

18. Spell your name without vowels:
mrksh ncl mcn grc -- wow wtf lmfao

19. Do you have any pets?
a dog.

20. Favorite Vacation?
universal studios fl <3

21. What do you dislike currently?
the fact that i`m in school and its SO EVERLASTING..

22. What are you listening to?
a snuggies ad - CULT!!

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
*ponders* hmm.. a bigger room.

24. What is your favorite scent?
his jacket!

25. Who makes you happiest?
anything that makes me smile most likely can make me happy.

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
umm.. either showering or lettin in booski? can`t remember exactly what..

27. When is your birthday?
december 28th. i accept checks :D

28. Who has the same phone as you?
um, audriana did but now nobody..

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
summer `08

30. Do you read your horoscope?
sometimes.

31. Where was the last place you bought something?
wet seal.

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
i LOVE it cause its actually done lol

33. Do you bite your nails?
OMG NO NEVER!

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
some earrings yeah..

35. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
why was this repeated?

36. Myspace or facebook?
FACEBOOK FTW

37. How fast have you driven a car?
65 mph, thanks mom!

38. Have you ever smoked?
ew no.

39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
english.

40. Do you have Verizon?
nope, t-mobile FTW.

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
the type that pulls me with the same magnetism that i have..

42. Do you have any hidden talents?
its for me to know and for you to find out :D

43. Favorite Song?
currently; its not fair by janelle monae

44. Do you like to sing at all?
yeah even tho i don`t know if i can forreal..

45. Dream Job?
i wanna work for google. or be a english teacher.

46. Where does most of your family live?
between cali va mn & mo.

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
i have siblings.

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
nah, not forreal.

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
this morning? i`m sure it was sexually charged..

50. Do you drink?
occasionally. haven`t since freshman yr tho.

51. Know any other languages?
spanish. some japanese.

52. Ever write a coded message?
yep, i used to write backwards all the time lol

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
YES. i liked the bridesmaids dress too omgosh!

54. Do you have any children?
nope.

55. Did you take a nap today?
YESSS, FOR LIKE FIVE HOURS.

56. Who has the same birthday as you?
john legend...i`m tired of answerin this lol

57. Ever met anyone famous before?
yep.

58. Do you want to be famous one day?
not really.

59. Any Pet Peeves?
kids who play with spit. and clowns. GOD, EW.

60. Are you multitasking right now?
yep, watching that 70s show, talking to nikki, fillin` this thing out, on facebook and FML.com

61. Do you like Britany Spears?
shes aight.

62. What is your least favorite chore?
chore? LFMAOFLAMFOALMFAO.

63. Last place you drove your car?
what car :((

64. Ever been out of the country?
yeah.

65. Where were you born?
california.

66. Could you handle being in the military?
HELL NO.

67. What is your average cell phone bill?
about...160, 170.

68. Who are you thinking about right now?
denzel townson :D

69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
omg JUST A COUPLE OF MINUTES AGO ACTUALLY..

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
i dont know dude..

71. Are your toes always painted?
no.

72. How many piercings do you have?
three..

73. What are you doing today?
the day? well its after 12 so.. class and probably another nap since its supposed to rain :(

74. Have you ever been gambling?
yes, i was actually gambing in chuckecheese the other day lmfao

75. When is the last time you updated your page?
which page? myspace? idk.

76. Do you like rollercoasters?
YES!

77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?
YES!!!

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
um, wall-e!!! omgosh!

79. Last thing you cooked?
my burger & fries.

80. How's the weather?
it looks cold as fuck outside.

81. Do you e-mail?
yeah.

82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
umm.... i cant recall at the current time.

83. Last time you were sick?
like, janurary? i think?

84. What states have you lived in?
2.

85. Do you wish you could move?
sometimes..but i dont know if i`m ready for that yet? i`m a late bloomer with stuff like that.

86. Do you take all the QuizPox.com quizzes?
what the fuck is that?

87. What is your dream car?
dude, i want a fricken monte carlo.

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
of course!

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
with you with you with you with you with youuu.

90. Are you happy with your life?
yeah, i am :D

undertheinfluenceoflove

gadghioag.

so uh.. i can`t sleep. and i`m tryna find a way to stay up for the next.. 40 minutes, so i can watch inyuasha.. so um, i just decided to randomly write this drabble..

with that bein said; lemme say -- OMFG I LOVE BEING A GIRLFRIEND! like lmfao... i sooo love my bf... wow... ridic lmfao .. like i love jus.. layin next to him, gettin kisses, attention, lookin in his eyes.. talkin` about random shit, listenin to his new music, listenin` to his stories about 'the old country' LMFAOOO, sharin` my bed w/ him && feeln weird when i lay on his sidee [the right side, btw] lol... watchin` his reactions, mhm..god.. feenin` for that kidd yo, wrd... spazzin` out when it gets intense, just .. idk man, i love him omgosh <3 <3

cant noooobody else make me feel like this guy does yo, NOOOOBODY, so just.. don`t think you can. trust me; i deserve this shiid right herre yo..

i`m on this kinna denzelian high righ now, i needa take my ass to sleep nd prob wont remember writin this when i get up..=/ fshafuas

fucccck lmfao

a craving

you`re not around, all yet and still..
you`ll have me so far gone, if you were though, i`d be so turned on by simply moving closer to you...
and by you giving me simple things, i`m yours.. and you give me:
a craving...
a look...
a word...
a whisper...
a touch...
a kiss...
a hug...
a craving...
a position...
a motivation...
a stimulation...
a craving...
a need...
a want...
a hold...
a craving...
a desire...
a force...
a moan...
a name...
a craving...
a release...
a temptation...
a sensation...
a craving...
i`m craving..
i need it...

stuck

hmm. i have a headache
but this aint heartbreak nah
a mistake yea
cause i wait too late hm
i cant open my mouth like
its wired shut like
that fence around the pen where the chickens cluck
and
its gettin late and
im gettin irate and
i cant tempt fate
but yo i love my mate
so don`t confuse that with hate
but this feeling on my back is a disastrous weight
and its ridic cause see this is the guy in which i wanna procreate..
and give him a daughter or a son..
quite sure he could be the one..
and these feelings are constantly on a rerun..
like real talk word up, really i do give a fuck..
and its fuckin with my mind like its giving me bad luck
and i got so much energy, honestly i`m gettin buck..
i`m twenty but sometimes i feel like a young buck..
this love shit be havin a nigga feelin stuck...

smiling

:)

i really did have something to write, something poetic-like...
but honestly i can`t get it out cause the smile on my face is too big and
my thoughts keep thinking about how i LOVE waking up next to him and being next to him
and.. i`m trying to find the words to put this together so that everyone can revel and go
'awe yawl are so cute!' but so far i can only sit here.. and smile.. in a daze... because
i simply love the way he makes me feel...
i dont need any words for that other than i love him. :D

drabble while half sleep

as many times as those browns hit mines, i havent gotten over the rush that comes with it. & sleeping next to you makes me cherish this.. & i come alive, the moment you press your lips to mines. because you're the fuckin BEST and i won`t give it up for nothin..

4 am

You can't calculate this. It cannot be measured by time or space or days or hours or anything of the sort because it has no true definition. There are feelings, emotions, actions, and much more to take into account here. Loyality, interruptions, female presences, things that keep you up at night, things that piss you off, things that make you wanna spaz out cause feeling bad was never something you thought had a place in this formula, but it did. And now you don't know what to do because you're in love and at times you're insecure and you don't wanna be, but what else is there to do when she's a fucking leech, just attached and not ready to let go? Ugh...

americas suitehearts

disclaimer; i do not write normal shit. you should know that by now. take a chance, get off that BULLSHIT that's been repeated for years, and try something interesting. I promise you won`t regret it. thnx :)

_____________________________________

UNO ---- ascension

Apparently, the world is going to end on December 21st, 2012. Yes, you read correctly, in some way, shape or form, the Earth (or at least a large portion of humans on the planet) will cease to exist. Stop planning your careers, don't bother buying a house, and be sure to spend the last years of your life doing something you always wanted to do but never had the time. Now you have the time, four years of time, to enjoy yourselves before… the end.

that was written years ago -- and now it's a reality. it's december 1st, 2012.. and in a little over two weeks, the world as we know it, will cease to exist.

We`ve all been living with this small sense of fear, minimized certainty in the back of our minds for years. Now that it's a reality, everything is crashing down when it has to be dealt with. Do you know what it feels like, for the end to be near? for it to crescent towards earth slowly, and to shift the balance of all that was once humane? For the axis of good and evil to tilt, slowly, and for the world to become nothing like what you imagined it ever could have been?

This is what we have now grown accustomed to; what once was something out of fairy tales and nightmares.. have now become reality..


+ + +

I have no clock. No watch. No device to inform me of what time it is as I lay in this hallowed out vending machine, waiting. My original plan -- fuck both sides, just wallow in the median and take whatever comes to get me. For some reason, I`ve awakened from my hiding spot, from my place where I've sought subterfuge; where nobody can come get me, and I`m left to fend for myself.

I just don`t see it as a reality anymore, but in moments, I know that i`ll need to decide. I`ll need to figure out what to do, what to go, how to get out of here, before someone else decides my fate for me.

Still, I don`t know what time it is, but I know crunch-time is in effect. The streets are empty, and sound is only coming from two directions: above, and below. I would be a damned fool to not pick a side, a choice, a direction to go in, knowing that I don`t have that much time left and my decision would be my final one. However, the pressure does nothing to speed up that process. I`m still moving slowly. Still trying to figure out the choice I want to make, with only one window of opportunity to seriously flee this as far east as I can, giving me a little more time to decide.

As I push the heavy front panel away, the springs and coils from what once held expired snacks and stale gum hours before push and embed into my skin, giving me cuts and lacerations that I only shake off, knowing there's really nowhere for me to get to find water clean enough to clean it up with, but at this point, why would it matter?

My eyes adjust to empty streets and pulsating lights. My ears adjust to a mixture of loud gospel music and something that sounds like a live rendition of a Metallica song who's name I can`t recall right now, and I exhale, squinting, trying to regulate my body quick enough to make an exit, an escape, to gather focus so I can find a clock. I need the time, and I need it fast. As my eyes search, from abandoned banks with broken windows, to drive through lanes with mangy animals scrounging through windows against hungry and starving people for whatever was left in the fryer; I still need the time....

and then, I find it. Floating across the sky, maybe no more than two blocks away from where I am now, on one of those blimps that came from the Calitopia, which randomizes between NINE, FIFTY, FOUR am, and THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD. The presence of the clock gave birth to the notion that time lies outside our bodies. Telepathy directs synchronicity, and synchronicity is how we experience telepathy. With that being said, with crunch-time impending in a near two hours and fifteen minutes, linking up, synchronizing, might be the only way I get out of here.

It's crunch time -- literally. And you only have five hours, starting at seven am and ending at eleven am, then again at seven pm and ending at eleven pm if there's anyone around, and they go by pretty quickly. Either you escape, or you suffer the consequences. However, five hours go by so quickly, and that's how long you all have, to prepare -- either you go upwards, or you settle downwards. It's really hard to explain, it's something you`ll be better off observing...

I`ve found myself now in California. Remember California? It's nothing like the shopping metropolis and Hollywood laden town it used to be maybe two years ago. It's filled with blackouts, riots, sporadic earthquakes, and mass hysteria -- just like every other major state. The coastal states have it the worse. Between the earthquakes, and the tidal waves, they have the quickest departure time -- and it`s rough trying to brace the waves to get away. You could get sucked up by a tidal wave, or you could get caught in a whirlpool and never make it anywhere, but in a sense that's better than... incinerating, right?

Maybe.

For the past five months, since the turn of fall, thanks to the Mayans being right, it's been fucked up outside. Skeptics, like myself, didn`t believe in the whole bullshit about the world ending in 2012 --- until the signs started to make everyone, including me, resent even doubting the thoughts. Now nobody has a fucking clue what to do, and leaving it up to renegade bands and citizens to try and make something out of nothing, well you end up in fucked up situations and randomly instilled rules that change on the daily and can change at any moment, leaving everything in a sense of just all out chaos.

Like, the checkpoints from one city to the next one, the corner baptisms, the installed vending machines that sell holy water vials for three dollars, the goth infested underground parking lots, the extremely rogue police force, and the constant 'jesus calls' shouted out of windows from any building over three stories high.

I need to move, and fast. I don`t have that much time left to find somewhere to go, I just need to get to New York. If I can get to New York, I`ll be fine --- until then, escapism is the name of the game, and I hold the high score. My biggest issue now is, crossing the border from Baldwin Hills back towards the city, the danger-zone, but it's something I need to do.

Since the government decided to take over, those fucking checkpoints you see like in horror movies and read about in science fiction novels, are everywhere. They`re boarding major streets, making transportation hard, but people will be risking their lives to drive in certain areas anyway; it's not like simply anyone can find themselves in the designated calitopian buildings anyway, and right now that's the safest place for me.

Humanity has seemed to become split into two major groups: those destined to ascend, and those who've been written to burrow. The groups, the children in the stars -- who've branded everyone who's descended from any sense of church going family ever in the history of their lineage with stars on the back of their necks -- and the children of nod -- who've branded everyone who's had any sense of a record or a crime in their life with skull markers on their hands -- quite like those days when you had markers on your hands from late night parties; have been rampant, all over, staking their territory and their claim, gathering their followers by the masses, in no fear of what would come next, or worrying about escapism at all.

But after flashing my neck, the three studded stars that have rested there for years, gets me through the threshold of the block, and now I`m calculating my next move, until I find myself standing in a zone filled with churches and converted townhomes that's turned this block into a religious hotbed. The building i`m standing outside of now has been blessed with a banner that hangs out the window that reads, "We are being invited to realize that we are Time. We are the Living Prophecy. Time is the ever-changing, unfolding now as synchronicity coordinates the Whole living Universe."

I`d be wasting my time trying to get into one of those prayer-ridden, all white buildings, where they expect you to recite genesis like it's the only thing you have in your mental Rolodex, to praise god at given command and hope that you`ve washed away enough sins to ascend with the rest of the world when the time comes.

Honestly, I have no choice, but even with that, i`m conflicted. It's not like it`ll be cool for me to hide in someone's home until they made their decision and just run with them. As time ticks closer and closer towards eleven, people lose their minds, and the influence of these uber-religious fanatics, it's even worse.

The mere mention of 'being sent to hell' alone sends people on mental trips, making them drown themselves in sin inside of bathtubs, and inside of small lakes and fountains. It's just all fucked up. I don`t know what to do. I just know I need to get the fuck in a safe place, and fast...

inside and out

the most sensational emotion is this ability you give me to press my hands so carefully along your sides, down to the front, along the plentiful rise that my hands can't stop tracing no matter what you're tryna hide..

really, i'm tryna dig deep all up in your insides.

i'm slightly fiending because i want you to get inside, not so hastily between my legs, first i need you to penetrate my mind and i'll be fine just knowing that you're beneath me, penetrate my heart first and i'll give you my all willingly, and there'll be no budging from the hold that you put on me, only real emotions and reactions shall come from me, because truthfully, you tempt me and make me nervous but i'm digging this chemistry...

i think this time i know what i'm doing, so if i fall, reach out and catch me.

i don't need no one else except you, me, a little time to stroke your mind and then, i'll be fine...

impressions

impressions, the first one gave my mind this sensory incentive
when i got butterflies i knew it was somethin special
in a sense i thought it would just be somethin mental
that me and you probably wouldnt get as close as i wanted to
but that was then, that was a way back when thing
now its years later and we`re gettin outta this friend thing
its somethin` deeper, somethin that changing my friends thing
somethin that draws me to you and wonders 'how is this real'
and 'is this the end?' oh of course not; its the beginnin`
when you walk away from me i`m countin the moments in my head again
and wonderin`bout whatchu doin, wonderin` bout` whatchu thinkin`
are we lookin up at these same stars and night sky with the same thoughts in sync
with each others minds like those times i thought it was fine to pull your body to mines
and close my eyes as my hands mapped out the direction of your spine and
its funny that these impressions embedded somethin so visceral
somethin so inclined to rake my thoughts and entrance my mental
to change that i to o and k to v and be like, 'i love you'
cause these impressions havent changed from the first time, that first time i saw you..

mindbodybandswimsinkfloat

bittersweet symphony, my heart sings the lead and my mind got back up
fingertips plays the bass and emotions leave the group for stand up
tryna keep my band together but like my thoughts they just break up
and i`m anxious to fuck with you i guess thats why my legs are up

lions & tigers & bears ain`t got shit on what i`m afraid of
if i fall harder head first i hope you pull me back so i can keep my stance up
i`m afraid of fallin although this aint what it feels like
its pullin me under like hades grabbin` you from topside
pullin` at my heartstrings while i`m playin this symphony
i`m orchestrating myself carefully cause i don`t want it to get to me
i got my band learnin this new shit
this keep you close, don`t let you go,
love you til it's nothin you need to get off that ion` fuck with shit

too good on the top to stop you from puttin your heart in it
took you from gettin your foot wet in a puddle to nosediving off the deep end
now im tryna get you back but you`re beggin me to to come swim
the water feels good and i don`t need a hook for this shit
ion need to rescue you and you can quote me on this
"she might try to get inside your head but i dominate this shit"
bit by bit, while she only pecks at it
to make you want her so much that you`re drowning instead of floating

and now i`m jumping down off cloud nine to rid you from this bullshit
and my heart sings that 'la la la, la la la' shit while my fingers stroke my emotions back to this
coaxin em to spit out whats really good
how they really make you feel
how you know this shit is real
like its embedded in my thoughts and it comes out when its feelin` surreal
like stars behind my lids and whispers in my ear

and there goes my band again,
and i`m tryna get ready for the stage
tryna put myself back together piece by piece so i can play

i`m gettin myself back to square one so i can do right by you and won`t feel broken
so i can teach you how to swim, float, fuck, play this game, by the rules, play this band, and mostly focus...

searching...

from investigating to searching, i`m discovering whats inside of you...
searching for those complexities and insecurities that drive us to each other..
to finish and complete what once was seemingly empty
to draw one and one together to make one = not two, not yet, not just yet..
first we have to get everything just right...
and in this time while we search for what makes us so perfectly in a sense, maybe perfection is too harsh, however it is fitting, it is donning something that is being strived for, something being achieved much like hearing whats wanted to be heard, like all the i love yous nd how much i want yous.. and how good that felt when you took me there...

i`m letting loose; i sigh..

searching what makes you you, what makes you so special, what makes you so...addictive...
what brings these smiles to my face, these cravings in the back of my mind, this fire in my touch, this arching in my back, this emotion from somewhere inside that makes me linger, hunger, thirst... quench and fulfill, that brings a smile to your face, that brings a goodbye kiss that lingers on my tongue and makes me lick my lips when you`re gone, that lulls me to sleep and touches the spot in which you slept nights before, damn...

you`re something that amazes me...
so there`s no need to search for anything else to do this for me...

phantasms

i cannot see you
and its been days since i've held you
i needed just to feel you
maybe once or twice
to get me off
and you turn me on
like a moth to a flame
and that flame sparks intensity
inside me to expell it
to exhale and breathe it
to want it and to feen it
and to crave it....

but i cannot see it...
with my eyes closed i can only imagine it
how vivid
these feelings
the motions we go through
these emotional highs and lows that send me into these moods
you send me on this high with your lips to my lips
and your hands on my hips
and your body against mines we tilt...
damn, it sends chills up my spine
time after time
after time
after time...
but i cannot see you....

childlike investigations

childlike investigations of your hands, against mines in the darkness even then, the investigation of sensation, held close together, i sigh --

i exhale and you pull me closer, waiting for your next move --

i'm unaware of what you're thinking about, what you`ll do next, were i want you to be; where i need you the most --

then you move closer, but i captivate you --

i take you over; i`m initiating this, this is a pulling stage, something that's not exactly the same as it was seconds ago, and transitory in the territorial condition that i'm in, separation will be akin to a sin--

i need this intensity you envoke in me, it brings me fully to life, these childlike investigations develop and mature into teenage infiltration of whats between you and i,
inside
outside
side to side
and beyond this --

underneath the surface and beneath our very kisses that i can't get enough of, and similar to the touch that i'm sure has corrupted my very being, brought on by a craving, a desire and longing that can be initiated by merely thinking and back to square one.. here i am...

...investigating...

lust for life; intro

remember that fic i noted at about two or three posts down or whatnot? well, here we go.

it`s called lust for life. i hope you like it :)

_____________________________________________

LUST FOR LIFE;
to keep moving, to keep breathing, to keep everything as sensible as it gets, he has to keep himself from dying... the only way he knows how. too bad he`s already as dead as it gets...

INTRO

Gray skies and cerulean waters contrasted against an uptown backdrop, inviting the world into the melancholy city scene. The newsprint colored sky boasted of no transitory stage from day to night, but simply a muted, ominous tone that had spirits down in a ten mile radius in either direction. The lack of overall excitement was like a blanket over the city that rested over the skyline and bathed the city in a sense of negativity.

Down in the traffic jammed, congested city streets, yellow taxi cabs filled with frustration guided businessmen sat with impatience in the backseat, peering at the meter. Metro buses filled with the working crowd and the neighboring yellow school buses were all charged with the melancholy charges from the dampness of the atmosphere, which sparked the stillness of the impending muteness throughout the blocks and avenues, causing irate and antsy passengers. Inside of buildings and businesses, the still, muted, tension filled atmosphere that had permeated the entire block and the surrounding areas was getting the best of the customers in the midst of breakfast fixes, the antsy employees who seemed to be overloaded, and was literally sucking the vigor out of them with every step they took.

In the midst of the dreadful environment, all was coming full circle from a twenty fourth floor full window view. The lack of pallor, the impatient aura from the citizens of the city, and the general loss of enthusiasm was taking a toll on he who watched the scene – and it was in a sense, fatal.

Crystallized, dust colored eyes glared back from the glass window reflection with a disgust that materialized in the back of his mouth, inducing a seeping, saliva and copper tinged taste that swallowed down hard. Staring down on this view, with the aura permeating everything and getting the best of him, draining him whole, Ricardo “Rico” Sanchez was slowly succumbing to insanity.

The city was near death; and he was too.

With what was once was once strong, healthy hands, a singular glass pulled in his direction by will took time to become fully grasped. Slow, jerky movements brought the glass up to chapped, broken lips, and the sips of the last bit of pain numbing whiskey went down hot, almost scalding in comparison to what was once smooth, enjoyable, and intense. For days, this had been the situation. He has done nothing but simply let the devil do his work, while he sat wallowing in inevitable deterioration.

He had become a master of escapism many times in this same situation before it got this bad. Sinking out, fleeing the scene and letting the world simply succumb to what it had started to transgress into before it got this bad had become a harder task than it used to seem; with every move, the search for full purity to drain from had become nearly impossible. Where would he go next, was always the major problem. He had hit all the major cities during his days of scrounging the earth, and even once upon their replenishing, there was no way he could hit the same place twice. Trying to grasp the rawest essence of life to fuel hell’s armies in the near future had become harder than it needed to truly be…

Each day had been spent waiting, watching, seeking, crumbling, depleting... To search for that one source in every city or small town that could keep him going until he had taken all that he had needed was all he was sent here for. To get to the next city to keep going, and to allow the circle of life-lusting to continue to roll was all he needed to do.

The mere separation of life, the purest essence brought forth the best of the worse in Rico. For years, centuries, decades, since the dawn of his eyes upon all that was forbidden, it had been his lust. His craving. His ultimate life necessity… immortality was a given, therefore, he lusted for life...

he's my president, your president: OUR president.

well, it`s been a little over a month since obama has been sworn into office, and.. people will remember the day when obama won for the rest of their lives. A lot of first time voters will be able to say that they played a part in the election of the historical forty-fourth president regardless as to who they voted for. For many people this is a step forward that we have needed to get through for the longest, and YES WE CAN, AND YES WE DID.

I`m happy. I`m happy now and as a democrat, I would have been happy regardless as to who won, whether it was against Clinton VS McCain or Obama VS McCain because either way -- lets face it, democrats we had this in the bag -- sooo, we were gonna make history. That was apparent. But the way some of the McCain supporters have started to take this into consideration is giving the whole US a relapse -- do we really need this hatred? For real? NO. So, GTFOH. Just stop, seriously.

He`s won, it`s not the end, trust -- it`s the beginning and the start of something that has been a long time coming and years in the making. 2012 (if the world doesn`t end that is, but that`s another post for another time...)-- lets shoot for a re-election, and even then there will be more eligble votes who want to make history happen once again -- but for right now... lets all just sit back and realize that what is about to go down WILL change the way people look at america, no matter the effect -- we`ve made history, and it will be in the history books, people with children born on this day and who celebrate their birthday will have that day marked in many books and moments for years to come, and no matter what you think you can do to change or downplay it, in the back of your mind, it`s there...

people who have lost faith in the goverment actually came out and voted in one of the biggest turnouts in years. around the world support and excitement is larger than it has been for an US based situation in a long time, and it`s fairly all positive. kenya is gonna have a holiday in obama`s honor. kids in indonesia were escatic that he won. non-american support was CRAZY -- people around the world had faith in this man and that shows SO MUCH about the way that he`s being viewed worldwide. the respect, the support, the belief, the honor: all says something. nelson mandela WROTE THE MAN A LETTER, now c`mon thats just crazy...

as a voter, be happy. be more than happy. you`ve made history, no matter what your part played was, who you voted for, how you felt once it was all said and done. Can`t we just all be happy and realize that we`ve made the starting steps to change things? Hopefully...

Feel free to comment if you feel like this applies to you, because we did it..

insomnia ridden thoughts

i should be able to close my eyes and sleep, but i can`t.
too much on my mind to actually help me do that..
this won't come out poetic and in a sense maybe it will,
hm you never know what makes you bring someone to submitting how they feel,
it`s ill, in a sense it's sick,
you`re fighting for what you want and sometimes you wonder why you even put up with the bullshit,
on a lighter note in a sense i feel a bit at ease,
maybe it's temporary but i`m not being pleased,
not getting what i need and trying to grasp what i want,
from his hands to his shirt and when i let go it hurts,
its small things that keep me grounded
in the back of my mind like most girls i wanna be flaunted
in a moment of vulnerability i would really like that
but in everyday reality i would grow tired of that
theres too much that's making the wrongs seem right
the ends can`t meet and when they do they`re contrite
words that are often apologetic seem to be pushed out of spite
its fueling these small fears i have because its showing me i`m growing
when in reality i`m not sure if i want to keep going...

protect me..

i get it now.. this was all for my protection.
you don`t want to hurt anyone, but you`re so misdirected..
but when i`m with you, none of that affects me..
it`s nobody around.. just you and me.
to be in your presence gives me a insane sense of direction
the saying is true, i`m drawn to you..
the things you do, they seem so unlike you..
and i know its things you do because you don`t know what to do next,
and i know when it`s fucked up things will make you stress..
but i don`t want you to go through that, i just wanna help you out..
i wanna be that girl you need, the one you talk about..
we`re making progress.. i like it..
it`s cute, you`re learning..i`ll make you understand..
you need me, you`ll see -- i`ll make you a good man. <3
because I can.. and hopefully, they understand...
mhm.. yep. <3

the aftermath of goodbye kisses

i love it but i hate it at the very same time
we`ve had ones that had been stretched between months, weeks, days, moments...
and still yet, i`m not used to it at all...
because its bittersweet, pursing up and moving close
it can give off something good, something sweet, always soft..
always close, always comforting, always prone to bring gut feelings and hard grips..
it lingers after its over, after its over in the mind starts a countdown
until the next time, until time will come around and put me back in your presence
only to count down once again when you`re gone until the next one..
and it`s bittersweet; but i can still taste you on my tongue..

coming up next is..

music; summer breeze -- isley brothers

well um, i need to like, change the layout. that weird lamb toting child is creeping me out. also, i think my biggest issue with this is gonna be exactly WHAT to put on here.

see, i know i have stuff that we do in class like warm-ups that i would like to type because eventually i`ll throw them away, so i need to get started on that.

until then however, what to do? i don`t know. I know i have like books to read and i`ll post up some stuff about how I feel about em -- i`ll do that tonight. but really when it comes down to it, i`m sure i`m gonna wind up with more than 40 entries before the midterm like we`re required to have, so yeah.

so.... anyway, i`m kinda bored. I know that I have this fiction idea in my head -- it`s vamp fiction, supernatural laced... i don`t know what i`m going to call it but i`ll be posting adds for it on here to get my whole writing schedule out of my system -- which i need to stick to a little more better but its so hard to concrete it LOL.

i`m in the process now of doing art.. out of boredom. At one time it was my major, but then I was like meh; omg -- i could not STAND six hour studio classes, like SERIOUSLY.

but i`m self taught, and i`m doing a self-portrait vexel... this is how far i`ve gotten in like, two hours ... it`s 83 layers so far..

but this is an old rendering, i`m pretty irked because i like ended up deleting the facial features from the jawline because I didn`t like how the colouring was turning out so I started over... :( now i`m on like, 63 layers.

i`m so totally about to go think up a title for this fiction, and i`ll be back with an introduction for it..

get to know me with..a survey!

so, if you know me.. which you probably do, probably don`t, it`s okay.. i`m markeeshia. i don`t really like being called that, therefore i enjoy being called keeshii [key-she].

um, *WARNING* i use a lot of profanity... um, so...just a heads up..
i mean, we`re all mature right? i hope so. :)

um, this blog is being used for creative writing journal entries, everyday sporadic things that i just *NEED* to get out of my head, interesting books i`ve read and so on...i`m pretty sure i`ll edit like one entry seven times a day. but hey! you don`t know that much about me and you`re reading this so therefore... i come bearing gifts!

well no, not really. a list of random things that`ll get you to know me better.. maybe.

Nine things about myself:

9. i`m too.. unaffected by certain things. most things that`ll pull most people down doesn`t hit me as hard for some reason.

8. i cry because i love him and.. it's faulty. when i`m sad, i sing. through all the crying and shit, i think i sound pretty damned good.

7. i listen to the same stuff a lot. if you left me in the room with the radio on 100.3 the beat [or any related hip/hop && rap station], i probably couldn`t name the song that i was listening to.

6. i`m twenty and i still feel about seventeen or so.

5. the simple things make me so proud, and baby you`re number 1, even withcho 'ummmin`' ass lol. :)

4. if you ever find me crushing or liking you in any way, and we actually talk and i don`t repress it, you`ve gained a lifelong supportive friend. but it doesn`t work if YOU`RE crushing ON ME because i seem to get smothered once the crush is revealed and it really pisses me off..

3. i drink ketchup. straight out the bottle. or like, with food in my mouth. LMFAO. too much burns though. fucking lycopene.

2. i am not a tpain / soulija boy fan. if there was any two people i could put in a rocketship and send to orbit the fourth farthest away galaxy they could make it to, they`d be crammed in there quicker than they could make another fucking song. however, i will tolerate t-pain before soulja boi.

1. i don`t get you, but i love you, and i`m gonna be there for you no matter how this goes. i promise.

Eight ways to peak my interest.
8. entertain me.
7. make me smile. [which isn`t as hard as you might think it is.]
6. touch my arm, or brush against me. :)
5. smell awesome. i`m like an animal for awesome scents.
4. be there for me.
3. support me & respect me.
2. keep my interest.
1. need me. ;)

i want/need/am/are:
1. man, i want to write books, or be an english teacher. i really wanna be an english teacher, my um.. 'line of profession' has changed like 302562750 times. but i really wanna teach.. like, elementary school kids because they make me smile, omg i love kids lol

2. i`m a tomboy, i like climbing.. playing in the snow.. skateboarding, painting.. tryna officially be a part of the driving community but i`m scared the moment i get a license i`m either gonna get lost going somewhere simple or i`m gonna get into a car accident so i`m like very hesitant..

3. i`m very very repetitive, but never boring. like i can watch the same stuff every night, headbang to the same playlists, wear the same pair of earrings, but i`m not afraid to try new things & i`m sure they`ll most likely fall into my cycle of repetitiveness.

4. i`m always going somewhere with intentions of doing something then forget WTF i`m going somewhere for in the first place.. but it hasn`t been happening as frequently as it used to.

5. Um, I have colourphobia. and it`s serious as fuck, so I don`t joke around with it. My future children will never experience the so called 'joy' of the circus or a c-l-o-w-n at their earlier birthday parties because I WILL FUCKING SPAZZ ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE.

allllright so! i have a lot of stuff to do to this, configuring and whatnot.
whatever.