insomnia ridden thoughts

i should be able to close my eyes and sleep, but i can`t.
too much on my mind to actually help me do that..
this won't come out poetic and in a sense maybe it will,
hm you never know what makes you bring someone to submitting how they feel,
it`s ill, in a sense it's sick,
you`re fighting for what you want and sometimes you wonder why you even put up with the bullshit,
on a lighter note in a sense i feel a bit at ease,
maybe it's temporary but i`m not being pleased,
not getting what i need and trying to grasp what i want,
from his hands to his shirt and when i let go it hurts,
its small things that keep me grounded
in the back of my mind like most girls i wanna be flaunted
in a moment of vulnerability i would really like that
but in everyday reality i would grow tired of that
theres too much that's making the wrongs seem right
the ends can`t meet and when they do they`re contrite
words that are often apologetic seem to be pushed out of spite
its fueling these small fears i have because its showing me i`m growing
when in reality i`m not sure if i want to keep going...