4 am

You can't calculate this. It cannot be measured by time or space or days or hours or anything of the sort because it has no true definition. There are feelings, emotions, actions, and much more to take into account here. Loyality, interruptions, female presences, things that keep you up at night, things that piss you off, things that make you wanna spaz out cause feeling bad was never something you thought had a place in this formula, but it did. And now you don't know what to do because you're in love and at times you're insecure and you don't wanna be, but what else is there to do when she's a fucking leech, just attached and not ready to let go? Ugh...

americas suitehearts

disclaimer; i do not write normal shit. you should know that by now. take a chance, get off that BULLSHIT that's been repeated for years, and try something interesting. I promise you won`t regret it. thnx :)

_____________________________________

UNO ---- ascension

Apparently, the world is going to end on December 21st, 2012. Yes, you read correctly, in some way, shape or form, the Earth (or at least a large portion of humans on the planet) will cease to exist. Stop planning your careers, don't bother buying a house, and be sure to spend the last years of your life doing something you always wanted to do but never had the time. Now you have the time, four years of time, to enjoy yourselves before… the end.

that was written years ago -- and now it's a reality. it's december 1st, 2012.. and in a little over two weeks, the world as we know it, will cease to exist.

We`ve all been living with this small sense of fear, minimized certainty in the back of our minds for years. Now that it's a reality, everything is crashing down when it has to be dealt with. Do you know what it feels like, for the end to be near? for it to crescent towards earth slowly, and to shift the balance of all that was once humane? For the axis of good and evil to tilt, slowly, and for the world to become nothing like what you imagined it ever could have been?

This is what we have now grown accustomed to; what once was something out of fairy tales and nightmares.. have now become reality..


+ + +

I have no clock. No watch. No device to inform me of what time it is as I lay in this hallowed out vending machine, waiting. My original plan -- fuck both sides, just wallow in the median and take whatever comes to get me. For some reason, I`ve awakened from my hiding spot, from my place where I've sought subterfuge; where nobody can come get me, and I`m left to fend for myself.

I just don`t see it as a reality anymore, but in moments, I know that i`ll need to decide. I`ll need to figure out what to do, what to go, how to get out of here, before someone else decides my fate for me.

Still, I don`t know what time it is, but I know crunch-time is in effect. The streets are empty, and sound is only coming from two directions: above, and below. I would be a damned fool to not pick a side, a choice, a direction to go in, knowing that I don`t have that much time left and my decision would be my final one. However, the pressure does nothing to speed up that process. I`m still moving slowly. Still trying to figure out the choice I want to make, with only one window of opportunity to seriously flee this as far east as I can, giving me a little more time to decide.

As I push the heavy front panel away, the springs and coils from what once held expired snacks and stale gum hours before push and embed into my skin, giving me cuts and lacerations that I only shake off, knowing there's really nowhere for me to get to find water clean enough to clean it up with, but at this point, why would it matter?

My eyes adjust to empty streets and pulsating lights. My ears adjust to a mixture of loud gospel music and something that sounds like a live rendition of a Metallica song who's name I can`t recall right now, and I exhale, squinting, trying to regulate my body quick enough to make an exit, an escape, to gather focus so I can find a clock. I need the time, and I need it fast. As my eyes search, from abandoned banks with broken windows, to drive through lanes with mangy animals scrounging through windows against hungry and starving people for whatever was left in the fryer; I still need the time....

and then, I find it. Floating across the sky, maybe no more than two blocks away from where I am now, on one of those blimps that came from the Calitopia, which randomizes between NINE, FIFTY, FOUR am, and THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD. The presence of the clock gave birth to the notion that time lies outside our bodies. Telepathy directs synchronicity, and synchronicity is how we experience telepathy. With that being said, with crunch-time impending in a near two hours and fifteen minutes, linking up, synchronizing, might be the only way I get out of here.

It's crunch time -- literally. And you only have five hours, starting at seven am and ending at eleven am, then again at seven pm and ending at eleven pm if there's anyone around, and they go by pretty quickly. Either you escape, or you suffer the consequences. However, five hours go by so quickly, and that's how long you all have, to prepare -- either you go upwards, or you settle downwards. It's really hard to explain, it's something you`ll be better off observing...

I`ve found myself now in California. Remember California? It's nothing like the shopping metropolis and Hollywood laden town it used to be maybe two years ago. It's filled with blackouts, riots, sporadic earthquakes, and mass hysteria -- just like every other major state. The coastal states have it the worse. Between the earthquakes, and the tidal waves, they have the quickest departure time -- and it`s rough trying to brace the waves to get away. You could get sucked up by a tidal wave, or you could get caught in a whirlpool and never make it anywhere, but in a sense that's better than... incinerating, right?

Maybe.

For the past five months, since the turn of fall, thanks to the Mayans being right, it's been fucked up outside. Skeptics, like myself, didn`t believe in the whole bullshit about the world ending in 2012 --- until the signs started to make everyone, including me, resent even doubting the thoughts. Now nobody has a fucking clue what to do, and leaving it up to renegade bands and citizens to try and make something out of nothing, well you end up in fucked up situations and randomly instilled rules that change on the daily and can change at any moment, leaving everything in a sense of just all out chaos.

Like, the checkpoints from one city to the next one, the corner baptisms, the installed vending machines that sell holy water vials for three dollars, the goth infested underground parking lots, the extremely rogue police force, and the constant 'jesus calls' shouted out of windows from any building over three stories high.

I need to move, and fast. I don`t have that much time left to find somewhere to go, I just need to get to New York. If I can get to New York, I`ll be fine --- until then, escapism is the name of the game, and I hold the high score. My biggest issue now is, crossing the border from Baldwin Hills back towards the city, the danger-zone, but it's something I need to do.

Since the government decided to take over, those fucking checkpoints you see like in horror movies and read about in science fiction novels, are everywhere. They`re boarding major streets, making transportation hard, but people will be risking their lives to drive in certain areas anyway; it's not like simply anyone can find themselves in the designated calitopian buildings anyway, and right now that's the safest place for me.

Humanity has seemed to become split into two major groups: those destined to ascend, and those who've been written to burrow. The groups, the children in the stars -- who've branded everyone who's descended from any sense of church going family ever in the history of their lineage with stars on the back of their necks -- and the children of nod -- who've branded everyone who's had any sense of a record or a crime in their life with skull markers on their hands -- quite like those days when you had markers on your hands from late night parties; have been rampant, all over, staking their territory and their claim, gathering their followers by the masses, in no fear of what would come next, or worrying about escapism at all.

But after flashing my neck, the three studded stars that have rested there for years, gets me through the threshold of the block, and now I`m calculating my next move, until I find myself standing in a zone filled with churches and converted townhomes that's turned this block into a religious hotbed. The building i`m standing outside of now has been blessed with a banner that hangs out the window that reads, "We are being invited to realize that we are Time. We are the Living Prophecy. Time is the ever-changing, unfolding now as synchronicity coordinates the Whole living Universe."

I`d be wasting my time trying to get into one of those prayer-ridden, all white buildings, where they expect you to recite genesis like it's the only thing you have in your mental Rolodex, to praise god at given command and hope that you`ve washed away enough sins to ascend with the rest of the world when the time comes.

Honestly, I have no choice, but even with that, i`m conflicted. It's not like it`ll be cool for me to hide in someone's home until they made their decision and just run with them. As time ticks closer and closer towards eleven, people lose their minds, and the influence of these uber-religious fanatics, it's even worse.

The mere mention of 'being sent to hell' alone sends people on mental trips, making them drown themselves in sin inside of bathtubs, and inside of small lakes and fountains. It's just all fucked up. I don`t know what to do. I just know I need to get the fuck in a safe place, and fast...

inside and out

the most sensational emotion is this ability you give me to press my hands so carefully along your sides, down to the front, along the plentiful rise that my hands can't stop tracing no matter what you're tryna hide..

really, i'm tryna dig deep all up in your insides.

i'm slightly fiending because i want you to get inside, not so hastily between my legs, first i need you to penetrate my mind and i'll be fine just knowing that you're beneath me, penetrate my heart first and i'll give you my all willingly, and there'll be no budging from the hold that you put on me, only real emotions and reactions shall come from me, because truthfully, you tempt me and make me nervous but i'm digging this chemistry...

i think this time i know what i'm doing, so if i fall, reach out and catch me.

i don't need no one else except you, me, a little time to stroke your mind and then, i'll be fine...

impressions

impressions, the first one gave my mind this sensory incentive
when i got butterflies i knew it was somethin special
in a sense i thought it would just be somethin mental
that me and you probably wouldnt get as close as i wanted to
but that was then, that was a way back when thing
now its years later and we`re gettin outta this friend thing
its somethin` deeper, somethin that changing my friends thing
somethin that draws me to you and wonders 'how is this real'
and 'is this the end?' oh of course not; its the beginnin`
when you walk away from me i`m countin the moments in my head again
and wonderin`bout whatchu doin, wonderin` bout` whatchu thinkin`
are we lookin up at these same stars and night sky with the same thoughts in sync
with each others minds like those times i thought it was fine to pull your body to mines
and close my eyes as my hands mapped out the direction of your spine and
its funny that these impressions embedded somethin so visceral
somethin so inclined to rake my thoughts and entrance my mental
to change that i to o and k to v and be like, 'i love you'
cause these impressions havent changed from the first time, that first time i saw you..

mindbodybandswimsinkfloat

bittersweet symphony, my heart sings the lead and my mind got back up
fingertips plays the bass and emotions leave the group for stand up
tryna keep my band together but like my thoughts they just break up
and i`m anxious to fuck with you i guess thats why my legs are up

lions & tigers & bears ain`t got shit on what i`m afraid of
if i fall harder head first i hope you pull me back so i can keep my stance up
i`m afraid of fallin although this aint what it feels like
its pullin me under like hades grabbin` you from topside
pullin` at my heartstrings while i`m playin this symphony
i`m orchestrating myself carefully cause i don`t want it to get to me
i got my band learnin this new shit
this keep you close, don`t let you go,
love you til it's nothin you need to get off that ion` fuck with shit

too good on the top to stop you from puttin your heart in it
took you from gettin your foot wet in a puddle to nosediving off the deep end
now im tryna get you back but you`re beggin me to to come swim
the water feels good and i don`t need a hook for this shit
ion need to rescue you and you can quote me on this
"she might try to get inside your head but i dominate this shit"
bit by bit, while she only pecks at it
to make you want her so much that you`re drowning instead of floating

and now i`m jumping down off cloud nine to rid you from this bullshit
and my heart sings that 'la la la, la la la' shit while my fingers stroke my emotions back to this
coaxin em to spit out whats really good
how they really make you feel
how you know this shit is real
like its embedded in my thoughts and it comes out when its feelin` surreal
like stars behind my lids and whispers in my ear

and there goes my band again,
and i`m tryna get ready for the stage
tryna put myself back together piece by piece so i can play

i`m gettin myself back to square one so i can do right by you and won`t feel broken
so i can teach you how to swim, float, fuck, play this game, by the rules, play this band, and mostly focus...

searching...

from investigating to searching, i`m discovering whats inside of you...
searching for those complexities and insecurities that drive us to each other..
to finish and complete what once was seemingly empty
to draw one and one together to make one = not two, not yet, not just yet..
first we have to get everything just right...
and in this time while we search for what makes us so perfectly in a sense, maybe perfection is too harsh, however it is fitting, it is donning something that is being strived for, something being achieved much like hearing whats wanted to be heard, like all the i love yous nd how much i want yous.. and how good that felt when you took me there...

i`m letting loose; i sigh..

searching what makes you you, what makes you so special, what makes you so...addictive...
what brings these smiles to my face, these cravings in the back of my mind, this fire in my touch, this arching in my back, this emotion from somewhere inside that makes me linger, hunger, thirst... quench and fulfill, that brings a smile to your face, that brings a goodbye kiss that lingers on my tongue and makes me lick my lips when you`re gone, that lulls me to sleep and touches the spot in which you slept nights before, damn...

you`re something that amazes me...
so there`s no need to search for anything else to do this for me...

phantasms

i cannot see you
and its been days since i've held you
i needed just to feel you
maybe once or twice
to get me off
and you turn me on
like a moth to a flame
and that flame sparks intensity
inside me to expell it
to exhale and breathe it
to want it and to feen it
and to crave it....

but i cannot see it...
with my eyes closed i can only imagine it
how vivid
these feelings
the motions we go through
these emotional highs and lows that send me into these moods
you send me on this high with your lips to my lips
and your hands on my hips
and your body against mines we tilt...
damn, it sends chills up my spine
time after time
after time
after time...
but i cannot see you....