childlike investigations

childlike investigations of your hands, against mines in the darkness even then, the investigation of sensation, held close together, i sigh --

i exhale and you pull me closer, waiting for your next move --

i'm unaware of what you're thinking about, what you`ll do next, were i want you to be; where i need you the most --

then you move closer, but i captivate you --

i take you over; i`m initiating this, this is a pulling stage, something that's not exactly the same as it was seconds ago, and transitory in the territorial condition that i'm in, separation will be akin to a sin--

i need this intensity you envoke in me, it brings me fully to life, these childlike investigations develop and mature into teenage infiltration of whats between you and i,
inside
outside
side to side
and beyond this --

underneath the surface and beneath our very kisses that i can't get enough of, and similar to the touch that i'm sure has corrupted my very being, brought on by a craving, a desire and longing that can be initiated by merely thinking and back to square one.. here i am...

...investigating...

lust for life; intro

remember that fic i noted at about two or three posts down or whatnot? well, here we go.

it`s called lust for life. i hope you like it :)

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LUST FOR LIFE;
to keep moving, to keep breathing, to keep everything as sensible as it gets, he has to keep himself from dying... the only way he knows how. too bad he`s already as dead as it gets...

INTRO

Gray skies and cerulean waters contrasted against an uptown backdrop, inviting the world into the melancholy city scene. The newsprint colored sky boasted of no transitory stage from day to night, but simply a muted, ominous tone that had spirits down in a ten mile radius in either direction. The lack of overall excitement was like a blanket over the city that rested over the skyline and bathed the city in a sense of negativity.

Down in the traffic jammed, congested city streets, yellow taxi cabs filled with frustration guided businessmen sat with impatience in the backseat, peering at the meter. Metro buses filled with the working crowd and the neighboring yellow school buses were all charged with the melancholy charges from the dampness of the atmosphere, which sparked the stillness of the impending muteness throughout the blocks and avenues, causing irate and antsy passengers. Inside of buildings and businesses, the still, muted, tension filled atmosphere that had permeated the entire block and the surrounding areas was getting the best of the customers in the midst of breakfast fixes, the antsy employees who seemed to be overloaded, and was literally sucking the vigor out of them with every step they took.

In the midst of the dreadful environment, all was coming full circle from a twenty fourth floor full window view. The lack of pallor, the impatient aura from the citizens of the city, and the general loss of enthusiasm was taking a toll on he who watched the scene – and it was in a sense, fatal.

Crystallized, dust colored eyes glared back from the glass window reflection with a disgust that materialized in the back of his mouth, inducing a seeping, saliva and copper tinged taste that swallowed down hard. Staring down on this view, with the aura permeating everything and getting the best of him, draining him whole, Ricardo “Rico” Sanchez was slowly succumbing to insanity.

The city was near death; and he was too.

With what was once was once strong, healthy hands, a singular glass pulled in his direction by will took time to become fully grasped. Slow, jerky movements brought the glass up to chapped, broken lips, and the sips of the last bit of pain numbing whiskey went down hot, almost scalding in comparison to what was once smooth, enjoyable, and intense. For days, this had been the situation. He has done nothing but simply let the devil do his work, while he sat wallowing in inevitable deterioration.

He had become a master of escapism many times in this same situation before it got this bad. Sinking out, fleeing the scene and letting the world simply succumb to what it had started to transgress into before it got this bad had become a harder task than it used to seem; with every move, the search for full purity to drain from had become nearly impossible. Where would he go next, was always the major problem. He had hit all the major cities during his days of scrounging the earth, and even once upon their replenishing, there was no way he could hit the same place twice. Trying to grasp the rawest essence of life to fuel hell’s armies in the near future had become harder than it needed to truly be…

Each day had been spent waiting, watching, seeking, crumbling, depleting... To search for that one source in every city or small town that could keep him going until he had taken all that he had needed was all he was sent here for. To get to the next city to keep going, and to allow the circle of life-lusting to continue to roll was all he needed to do.

The mere separation of life, the purest essence brought forth the best of the worse in Rico. For years, centuries, decades, since the dawn of his eyes upon all that was forbidden, it had been his lust. His craving. His ultimate life necessity… immortality was a given, therefore, he lusted for life...

he's my president, your president: OUR president.

well, it`s been a little over a month since obama has been sworn into office, and.. people will remember the day when obama won for the rest of their lives. A lot of first time voters will be able to say that they played a part in the election of the historical forty-fourth president regardless as to who they voted for. For many people this is a step forward that we have needed to get through for the longest, and YES WE CAN, AND YES WE DID.

I`m happy. I`m happy now and as a democrat, I would have been happy regardless as to who won, whether it was against Clinton VS McCain or Obama VS McCain because either way -- lets face it, democrats we had this in the bag -- sooo, we were gonna make history. That was apparent. But the way some of the McCain supporters have started to take this into consideration is giving the whole US a relapse -- do we really need this hatred? For real? NO. So, GTFOH. Just stop, seriously.

He`s won, it`s not the end, trust -- it`s the beginning and the start of something that has been a long time coming and years in the making. 2012 (if the world doesn`t end that is, but that`s another post for another time...)-- lets shoot for a re-election, and even then there will be more eligble votes who want to make history happen once again -- but for right now... lets all just sit back and realize that what is about to go down WILL change the way people look at america, no matter the effect -- we`ve made history, and it will be in the history books, people with children born on this day and who celebrate their birthday will have that day marked in many books and moments for years to come, and no matter what you think you can do to change or downplay it, in the back of your mind, it`s there...

people who have lost faith in the goverment actually came out and voted in one of the biggest turnouts in years. around the world support and excitement is larger than it has been for an US based situation in a long time, and it`s fairly all positive. kenya is gonna have a holiday in obama`s honor. kids in indonesia were escatic that he won. non-american support was CRAZY -- people around the world had faith in this man and that shows SO MUCH about the way that he`s being viewed worldwide. the respect, the support, the belief, the honor: all says something. nelson mandela WROTE THE MAN A LETTER, now c`mon thats just crazy...

as a voter, be happy. be more than happy. you`ve made history, no matter what your part played was, who you voted for, how you felt once it was all said and done. Can`t we just all be happy and realize that we`ve made the starting steps to change things? Hopefully...

Feel free to comment if you feel like this applies to you, because we did it..

insomnia ridden thoughts

i should be able to close my eyes and sleep, but i can`t.
too much on my mind to actually help me do that..
this won't come out poetic and in a sense maybe it will,
hm you never know what makes you bring someone to submitting how they feel,
it`s ill, in a sense it's sick,
you`re fighting for what you want and sometimes you wonder why you even put up with the bullshit,
on a lighter note in a sense i feel a bit at ease,
maybe it's temporary but i`m not being pleased,
not getting what i need and trying to grasp what i want,
from his hands to his shirt and when i let go it hurts,
its small things that keep me grounded
in the back of my mind like most girls i wanna be flaunted
in a moment of vulnerability i would really like that
but in everyday reality i would grow tired of that
theres too much that's making the wrongs seem right
the ends can`t meet and when they do they`re contrite
words that are often apologetic seem to be pushed out of spite
its fueling these small fears i have because its showing me i`m growing
when in reality i`m not sure if i want to keep going...

protect me..

i get it now.. this was all for my protection.
you don`t want to hurt anyone, but you`re so misdirected..
but when i`m with you, none of that affects me..
it`s nobody around.. just you and me.
to be in your presence gives me a insane sense of direction
the saying is true, i`m drawn to you..
the things you do, they seem so unlike you..
and i know its things you do because you don`t know what to do next,
and i know when it`s fucked up things will make you stress..
but i don`t want you to go through that, i just wanna help you out..
i wanna be that girl you need, the one you talk about..
we`re making progress.. i like it..
it`s cute, you`re learning..i`ll make you understand..
you need me, you`ll see -- i`ll make you a good man. <3
because I can.. and hopefully, they understand...
mhm.. yep. <3

the aftermath of goodbye kisses

i love it but i hate it at the very same time
we`ve had ones that had been stretched between months, weeks, days, moments...
and still yet, i`m not used to it at all...
because its bittersweet, pursing up and moving close
it can give off something good, something sweet, always soft..
always close, always comforting, always prone to bring gut feelings and hard grips..
it lingers after its over, after its over in the mind starts a countdown
until the next time, until time will come around and put me back in your presence
only to count down once again when you`re gone until the next one..
and it`s bittersweet; but i can still taste you on my tongue..

coming up next is..

music; summer breeze -- isley brothers

well um, i need to like, change the layout. that weird lamb toting child is creeping me out. also, i think my biggest issue with this is gonna be exactly WHAT to put on here.

see, i know i have stuff that we do in class like warm-ups that i would like to type because eventually i`ll throw them away, so i need to get started on that.

until then however, what to do? i don`t know. I know i have like books to read and i`ll post up some stuff about how I feel about em -- i`ll do that tonight. but really when it comes down to it, i`m sure i`m gonna wind up with more than 40 entries before the midterm like we`re required to have, so yeah.

so.... anyway, i`m kinda bored. I know that I have this fiction idea in my head -- it`s vamp fiction, supernatural laced... i don`t know what i`m going to call it but i`ll be posting adds for it on here to get my whole writing schedule out of my system -- which i need to stick to a little more better but its so hard to concrete it LOL.

i`m in the process now of doing art.. out of boredom. At one time it was my major, but then I was like meh; omg -- i could not STAND six hour studio classes, like SERIOUSLY.

but i`m self taught, and i`m doing a self-portrait vexel... this is how far i`ve gotten in like, two hours ... it`s 83 layers so far..

but this is an old rendering, i`m pretty irked because i like ended up deleting the facial features from the jawline because I didn`t like how the colouring was turning out so I started over... :( now i`m on like, 63 layers.

i`m so totally about to go think up a title for this fiction, and i`ll be back with an introduction for it..

get to know me with..a survey!

so, if you know me.. which you probably do, probably don`t, it`s okay.. i`m markeeshia. i don`t really like being called that, therefore i enjoy being called keeshii [key-she].

um, *WARNING* i use a lot of profanity... um, so...just a heads up..
i mean, we`re all mature right? i hope so. :)

um, this blog is being used for creative writing journal entries, everyday sporadic things that i just *NEED* to get out of my head, interesting books i`ve read and so on...i`m pretty sure i`ll edit like one entry seven times a day. but hey! you don`t know that much about me and you`re reading this so therefore... i come bearing gifts!

well no, not really. a list of random things that`ll get you to know me better.. maybe.

Nine things about myself:

9. i`m too.. unaffected by certain things. most things that`ll pull most people down doesn`t hit me as hard for some reason.

8. i cry because i love him and.. it's faulty. when i`m sad, i sing. through all the crying and shit, i think i sound pretty damned good.

7. i listen to the same stuff a lot. if you left me in the room with the radio on 100.3 the beat [or any related hip/hop && rap station], i probably couldn`t name the song that i was listening to.

6. i`m twenty and i still feel about seventeen or so.

5. the simple things make me so proud, and baby you`re number 1, even withcho 'ummmin`' ass lol. :)

4. if you ever find me crushing or liking you in any way, and we actually talk and i don`t repress it, you`ve gained a lifelong supportive friend. but it doesn`t work if YOU`RE crushing ON ME because i seem to get smothered once the crush is revealed and it really pisses me off..

3. i drink ketchup. straight out the bottle. or like, with food in my mouth. LMFAO. too much burns though. fucking lycopene.

2. i am not a tpain / soulija boy fan. if there was any two people i could put in a rocketship and send to orbit the fourth farthest away galaxy they could make it to, they`d be crammed in there quicker than they could make another fucking song. however, i will tolerate t-pain before soulja boi.

1. i don`t get you, but i love you, and i`m gonna be there for you no matter how this goes. i promise.

Eight ways to peak my interest.
8. entertain me.
7. make me smile. [which isn`t as hard as you might think it is.]
6. touch my arm, or brush against me. :)
5. smell awesome. i`m like an animal for awesome scents.
4. be there for me.
3. support me & respect me.
2. keep my interest.
1. need me. ;)

i want/need/am/are:
1. man, i want to write books, or be an english teacher. i really wanna be an english teacher, my um.. 'line of profession' has changed like 302562750 times. but i really wanna teach.. like, elementary school kids because they make me smile, omg i love kids lol

2. i`m a tomboy, i like climbing.. playing in the snow.. skateboarding, painting.. tryna officially be a part of the driving community but i`m scared the moment i get a license i`m either gonna get lost going somewhere simple or i`m gonna get into a car accident so i`m like very hesitant..

3. i`m very very repetitive, but never boring. like i can watch the same stuff every night, headbang to the same playlists, wear the same pair of earrings, but i`m not afraid to try new things & i`m sure they`ll most likely fall into my cycle of repetitiveness.

4. i`m always going somewhere with intentions of doing something then forget WTF i`m going somewhere for in the first place.. but it hasn`t been happening as frequently as it used to.

5. Um, I have colourphobia. and it`s serious as fuck, so I don`t joke around with it. My future children will never experience the so called 'joy' of the circus or a c-l-o-w-n at their earlier birthday parties because I WILL FUCKING SPAZZ ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE.

allllright so! i have a lot of stuff to do to this, configuring and whatnot.
whatever.